TOP 9 in 2009

9. Speaking at the LifeWay National Women's Leadership Forum - a breakout session about serving beyond the walls of our churches. Catching the vision of all God has for his servants.

8. Traveling to Death Row in Houston, TX and serving at Mission Centers of Houston. What an awesome time watching GOD minister. Painting fingernails of the elderly women was amaing.

7. Watching our oldest strive to plan his future as a man. Watching our middle son drive out of our driveway to take himself to school for the first time in his own car. Watching our 10 year old sing his first solo.

6. Celebrating 5 years of ministry as the choir director of Voices of Freedom Choir in Tennessee Prison for Women.

5. Meeting many wonderful women at the various events I am honored to lead. What a true JOY to rub shoulders with other girls who love and serve or seek the Lord. Friendship is a blessing.

4. Watching the Voices of Freedom Choir sing for the first time in their black choir robes - a donation from some amazing women. The choir has grown and make God very proud!

3. Finally grasping the TRUTH that life and ministry is complete when we find what we seek in HIM and not our abilities or success defined by the world at large. Learning the lesson of less is more and serving in obscurity is enough.

2. Witnessing our sons as they grow in the Lord and struggle to make thier own journey in this. Sharing 21 years of marriage with my husband and growing in the journey through every valley and mountain top. Family and the health to celebrate with them.

1. HIM. He never ceases to amaze me. Never ceases to capture my wandering heart. May I fall more in love with each passing year. Trusting. Full of HOPE. And willing to BOW LOW.

UNDONE

If you might be stopping by for inspiration today... well, you may want to stop reading. I hold a heavy burden and chose to allow that real pain to pour onto the computer screen.

Tonight at prison was supposed to be a party. Our "hey, the Christmas concert was amazing so let's eat a little candy" kind of party. Instead, it was one of the most painful nights I've had in a while. In many ways it is my own fault. I have been out of the Word for the past several days - in a vacation mode and neglecting routine and the most important thing.... time with Him. One should never attempt battle without the Sword. Without armor.

Tonight I went in unarmed and I've got some wounds to show for it.

My ears listened to the sobs of a young woman. She spoke in muffled tones. My eyes looked into hers as they welled up with tears. My arms wrapped around her tiny frame and felt her lungs fill and empty as she wept. My heart felt an anguish as she told of her rape and her guilt. She said "I keep asking God why and I am waiting for an answer. He hasn't answered yet." She was desperate for an answer. The one I gave her was weak. Hollow. Because I was too full of me and not full of Him. Don't think I am beating myself up too badly. I am very aware that my humanity wins sometimes. I just hate when it does! She needed more from Him through me and I was just flat out in the way. God, forgive my failure and give me courage to battle again.

Then I look into the eyes of the young woman I have become a spiritual mother to. Sam. She is having a very tough time. She is hurting. She seeks my undivided attention. So do 45 other women. It is like being torn into tiny pieces... and there's not enough of you to go around. It is a desperate feeling. Like taking a big spoon into a shallow well and only coming up with a drop of water. Everyone stays thirsty. That's how it was tonight. When we are not filled up with Him- the well that never runs dry - people we minister to will remain parched. My spiritual daughter looks down at me - she is six feet tall, after all. She say "You don't understand how much I need you right now. What I am hurting through. How hard it is to share." I reply with an explanation of how I write to her often, show her special care and she says " I know you do and I appreciate all you do for me... but it doesn't fix what's in here (she puts her hand over her heart). She starts to cry. It is the third time I have watched her weep in five years. I am embracing her and an officer's voice breaks the silence. "Enough time for hugs... move on now." She is pulling away from me all red eyed. Telling me she loves me. Looking so lost.

Let me just speak it plain. Sometimes I wish God had chosen me to sing to crowds of people and charge them up with electric, joy-filled praise music. That God had picked me to bring that happy message and make people laugh. And sometimes I do get to do those things... but there's more. He chose me for some hard stuff and I can't manage ONE SECOND without Him. Tonight I feel battered because I went it alone. And I was stripped - like furniture coming in contact with pain thinner - a part of my humanity laid bare. Bubbling up and peeling. I felt every ounce of the weight of the burden of knowing people who are slated to be executed, hearing of rape, incest, children lost or murdered. It is all too much for me. O really and truly, I can't do this. Contain this kind of heaviness ... burden. This work is cut out for HIM ONLY.

Why don't we learn lessons in one take?

Why do we think we are invincible when we taste a bit of victory?

Every time.
Every-single- time- forever- and - ever- Amen.
E.V.E.R.Y. T.I.M.E.

I will need HIM to be my Shield.
My Strength.
My Fortress.
My Shelter.
My Comforter.
My Delieverer.

I did not allow Him to be any of those things for me tonight.
And I was in the wide open country of the dark side of anguish and evil.
Until now....
I come to Him
Wounded from the battle.
And I find HE is MY VERY PRESENT HELP IN TIME OF NEED.

God, I just so need you. And do so love you.
Remind me again not to walk into the line of fire without my Shield. Without YOU.

"Take My yoke upon you and learn of Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest (relief and ease and refreshment and recreation and blessed quiet) for your souls. For My yoke is wholesome (useful, good--not harsh, hard, sharp, or pressing, but comfortable, gracious, and pleasant), and My burden is light and easy to be borne."
Matthew 11:29-30 (Amplified Bible)

Lock Down - Part 2

Continued from part 1...

After our first concert ended, we were ushered through a short corridor into the next pod. This was the pod for all the newest inmates. When you come into the institution, you must stay in this pod for thirty days. During this time you are evaluated for any health issues, visited by the chapel and educated about your new home. Transitions in this place are exceptionally hard. This is a pod with limited movement and there are metal tables with fixed chairs in the center of the pod. Once we arrive and plug in our amp, we hear it. It is an odd sound I have never heard in all my five years of serving at this institution. The popping sound of simultaneously opening cell doors. There are two ways to open a door here - with a key or with the push of a button. The electronic device is pressed and the selected doors open with a the chorus of a pop corn maker. Pop. Pop. Pop. I see the little indicator lights beside the cell door flash and then see the doors slightly swing ajar. Women dressed in blue emerge from the door. Some walk solemnly, some briskly move toward the center of the room. The upper floor residents manage the stairs with ease. I now know I will be able to look all who have been allowed out of their cells directly in the eye. I tell them who I am. I invite them to come to choir when their thirty days are past. I speak the obvious ..."now, I am not going to stand in front of you girls and have this big grin saying Merry Christmas as if this Christmas is anything close to merry. I know you would all rather be sitting at a family table. But this year, this is your reality for whatever reasons brought you here. And I am going to tell you that God knows your address and LOVES you deeply. I am here just to remind you of this fact."

There were tears when I sang Silent Night. Tears that were hard shed as women who are new tend to keep a mask on pretty tight. As we ended with our last song I said "And now I am going to hug you because I'm a hugger. If you don't want a hug, too bad, cause you are getting one anyway. Deal with it." And with that I made my way around all the tables. I embraced women with big smiles, stern faces or slightly awkward expressions. Most turned to me with open arms. A few just kept their body facing toward the table and I wrapped my arms around them anyway. One ultra tough woman was icy cold. I persisted. "Now seriously, I am gonna hug you. Come on, you can do it! She meagerly lifted up an arm and patted me, giving a weak smile. I responded with "Now there! I am proud of you." I heard "Thank you" whispered in my ear more than 100 times. Along with God bless you. My response - "It is an honor"...

And it is an honor. I can't manage to love anyone without Him. He is the One hugging. He is the One loving. I am loving Him much because I have been forgiven so much. This is my story. God visited me time and time again in my own prison that I crafted with my own hands. It is an honor that God chose to give me a second chance and I do not intend to waste it!

Part 3 coming soon....

Lock Down - Part 1

The building inside the prison yard has another fence around it. A very tall fence. With a call button entrance. Once you hear the buzz of the chain link gate's lock open, you cath the door quickly. It wil lock back almost immediately. You approach the segregated pile of brick walls. You are entering a new world of prison life. This is a minimal movement facility. Some women are chained and shackled just to take a shower. It houses those with behavioral issues, health issues and the two women who wait on death row. Upon entering the two massive steel doors, you walk into an expansive room that serves as the go between for all four pods. If you look up, you will notice on the second floor, a panel of bronze glass. Officers are located behind the glass, hidden from view, but aware of all your movements. Each pod houses 24 - 30 inmates. It is not very often that I get to go up into the most locked down building at our institution. I take such an honor very seriously. I have also learned the hard way to prepare myself spiritually for the dark world that can envelope you. The enemy works overtime on the mids of women in lockdown.

The Warden gave me permission to bring a guitar player, my friend Al, into the pods and sing some Christmas music. We would walk in, sing five songs and move on to the next pod. We had a time frame of two hours. The first pod we entered is the most notorious for containing the most depraived women. The officer opened their pie flap doors so they could hear better. A few women refused to have their doors opened. I began to sing and slowly they made their way to the 12 x12 window in their cell doors. The Christmas Song. Silent Night. Oh Holy Night. Go Tell it on the Mountain. Mary, Did You Know. Some continued to talk. A few wrote messages to each other with their fingers, tracing letters and nodding their heads. Many just intently listened with smiles on their faces. When we finished, I made my way around to touch any willing hand. I kept repeating the words "You are not forgotten. You are loved. Merry Christmas. God bless you." Looking into the eyes of such broken women. Some gripped by mental illness. Some manipulative. Some tearfilled, puffy eyes. Sharing a message of love and HOPE. These would be the words that remained on my tongue for the next several hours. It is the place Jesus loves to visit. The reason HE came.

More story to come....

Prayers Appreciated!

Tuesday night is our BIG CHRISTMAS CONCERT at the prison.
The Voices of Freedom choir will be singing several selections. Hands of grace will sign to three songs and I am blessed to bring the message. We usually have over 200 women come to the concert.
Also, I will be going into prison at 12:30 PM to minister in the lockdown Unit 3.

Pray that we will be the hands and feet of Christ tomorrow and bow LOW so HE is LIFTED UP!

Thanks! Expect me to blog about what happened on Wed!

LOVE SERVING at the prison!!!!

What Merry Christmas Means

While attending the Christmas Party at the Tennessee Prison for Women, a woman named Mary gave me this acrostic. I think it is wonderful and wanted to share it with all of you. I don't think she wrote it, but she surely loved what it had to say! So do I!

M- Messiah
E- Eternal King
R- Ruler
R- Rock
Y- Yeshua

C- Christ
H- Holy One
R-Redeemer
I- Immanuel
S- Shepherd
T- Teacher
M- Morning Star
A- All in all
S- Saviour of the World

Saving Worms

So I must admit a very weird habit to you. I wouldn't normally do this, but it is too great an example to worry about all of you thinking I am a bit strange. Ah, sometimes strange can be a good thing, right?

It happened Tuesday night at prison. Every Tuesday for the past few months has been rainy. Light rain, but still we just count on Tuesday's being a day when rain shows up. Well, this past Tuesday was a downpour! We were all making our way in the storm so we could take part in the prison wide Christmas Party. The volunteers raise money each year to purchase a special Christmas dinner for the 750 inmates. Everyone gets an ice cream sandwich, too. You can imagine how happy the women are when this yearly event arrives.

With umbrella in hand I made my way across the sidewalk towards checkpoint. I look down to see if there are any earth worms I can save. Poor earth worms are driven up from the soil in heavy rains. And sometimes they make their way onto the parking lot or sidewalk and they die. I hate all bugs except for butterflies and earthworms. Earthworms fascinate me. My heart is endeared to these wiggly creatures. I would never think of fishing with them since I like them so much. And I don't fish. But with every rain, I am the earthworm crusader.... coming to their rescue. As I was approaching the prison, I rescued three fat worms from sure death. I was glad there were so few of them to save! I secretly hoped none of the officers in the observation room saw me, but I couldn't pass the little crawlers by without helping.

The Christmas party was a great blessing. We were leaving the prison with full hearts. And soaked clothing. The torrential rains had not let up. When I began to look down on the sidewalk, I saw too many earthworms to count. Some were already stepped on and crushed. They were still and lifeless. Others kept going away from the safety of the soil. To be honest, I was overwhelmed by the sheer numbers. There was no way to save that many!!! I just kept on walking but I couldn't keep myself from looking down at their helpless state.

I stepped over them - wincing inside. Feeling bad for the earth that will miss out on all the good work they can do. They were perishing in the storm because they left the surface of the soil. They were drowning in the rain.

And I thought of GOD. And all the people who are perishing. Too numerous to count. And He watches them die in great numbers without rescue. Without hope. And I thought of how we are the hands that can reach out to take hold of those who are drowning... if we will choose to not simply walk past them because we are too busy or too overwhelmed at the task.

There is such great work for people to do if they will find Christ and cling to the safety of who HE is. Will we be willing to help rescue the perishing? The earth dwellers need the ONE who lives in us!

Don't Lay Down

Chris Sanders - Tennessee Titans

On my way home from dropping my youngest off at school, I heard Chris Sanders speaking on the local Christian radio station. Chris Sanders is a well known football player. I don't really watch sports. Can't describe anything past a touchdown or field goal when it comes to football. However, what Chris said this morning really stuck with me.

Chris has retired from professional ball, but has been coaching some high school kids. Let me paraphrase what he described today;

"Man, these kid's didn't quit. They played their heart out. And we were really pummeled at the beginning of the season. We came back late in the season and played

those same teams that beat us so badly and we won. These kids didn't lay down. All season long, they kept at it. They just wouldn't lay down. And even though we didn't win it all, we won in life. These kids will use this token of knowledge when they get older. Don't give up. Don't lay down."

So. It hit me like a ton of bricks. In the game of life, we often lose. We often get "pummeled" by circumstances and by the enemy. BUT WE CAN'T LAY DOWN. No matter what the record, no matter what the score... we must STAY IN THE GAME to WIN THE GAME.

And what happens with any human who calls upon God for strength in the middle of the fight, we will run and not get weary. We will remember the battle scars of the past and how we were delivered by HIM. And we will REFUSE to LAY DOWN. We are NOT doormats. We are NOT defeated... pressed down, but NOT CRUSHED. Persecuted but NOT ABANDONED. Struck down... but NOT DESTROYED.

Let's remind ourselves what team we are on. If we find ourselves with some dirt on our teeth, staring up at a cloud filled sky... GET UP!!!! Ask HIM for your next play... and get back in the game!

If you do LAY DOWN... don't STAY DOWN. Get up! Go on!!! We WIN in the end.

Home Again

I am going to slip into a stereotype for a moment. Forgive me in advance. I am going to change my mind. Gasp!

I really do like blogging on this site and so I am coming back here. I will just redirect folks to this blog from the www.TinaHutchison.com site.

I can't help myself. I've used Blogger for years and prefer it. So there you go! I'm officially a woman who is free to change her mind. Free is a good thing. A GOD thing, really. So I am gonna live in it.

Come on back. Here.

I have recommitted myself to blogging often again. So let's reconnect.

For Freedom,

Tina