Looking Back

While working in the office tonight I picked up my journal. I flipped through the pages and found an entry from June 8, 2009. I was in Ft. Lauderdale, FL with friends. I was dealing with a rejection and was seeking to understand why God closed a door that looked so wide open. It looked like His will. I was emotionally wrecked.
But let me - just for a moment - take you back to that place. That waiting place. It is a real place and very raw. And God appreciates it when his children are both of those things with Him.

Tears.
Fall.
Why?
Why God?
Why are you so long in coming?
To Rescue.
To relive this pain.
To Liberate!

Stop.
Stop. Waiting.
Please!!!

Mercy.
I'm begging.
I'm seriously aching.
Mercy!!!

Come.
Show me.
Show me why you wait.
At least.
Some mercy.
A drop.

I'm tired.
Tired!
Weary.
Burdened.
Heavy hearted.
Heart broken.
Exhausted.


Tonight I want to go back to that woman - me - sitting on the balcony. That woman who was crying while the waves repeatedly hit the shore. I would like to go back to myself and give myself a big hug. If only I knew THEN what I know NOW. That GOD has reasons for NO. Reasons for WAIT. Reasons for NOT NOW and NOT YET. So glad I was rejected. It has opened so many more doors for me to truly live in a liberated space proclainming the GOOD NEWS of Christ. NO was for my good. I just couldn't see it yet!

Thank you Lord - for the NO.